People tend to say that you're not "really a grown-up" until you hit thirty. I can say I managed to not die for thirty revolutions around our dear sun. Due to the simplicity of our decimal number system and our human penchant for patterns, each decade brings with it a sort of "milestone". At ten, it's more for the parents, "Congrats on not killing your kid!" At twenty, it's, "Almost old enough to drink! Welcome to adulthood!" Sitting here at thirty, it's become, "I hope you have a good day. Keep up what you're doing."

With that comes a bit of a pause, I suppose. It makes you wonder, "Did I make good decisions? How do I feel about where I am in life? Where do I want to go, now that I have some life experience?" That's a good thing, though. It shows that -- in my case anyway -- behind my generally fun-seeking personality and desire to dick around all the time that there's an adult underneath making sure things are going along AOK.

That's the kicker about adulthood. Most of us spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were grown up so we can "do what we want," only to find out that the world doesn't quite work that way, and we had it pretty good with our parents taking care of everything. Even with that knowledge, and a dose of the world fucking with me, I still don't feel like I'm "grown up". It makes you wonder what that even means. Maybe it's not good to "be a grown-up", and instead it's used as a measuring stick for others to judge you. Others who have lost their spark and will do what they can to snuff out any sparks they see. But enough of that.

Introspection is powerful, both in people and in software. It allows you to learn a lot about yourself or the program itself, just by asking some questions. I have to ask myself the obvious questions:

How've you handled yourself so far?

Honestly? I'm doing okay, at least from an outside perspective. I could be making more money, and my girlfriend and I could use a larger place to live, but really it's not all that bad. Our bills get paid and we still have a little extra to stow away or save up for things we need or want. Granted, I really don't like my job, but it's the best paying job I've had and it's helped make a few things happen.

Where do you want to go in life?

Professionally, I want -- no, need -- to get into software or computer work of some sort. It's what I've spent the past 15 years learning in my spare time. I have (some) skills, and just need to find a firm willing to take me on and get me up to speed with their workflow. I'm sick of customer service or manual labor. I'm good with computers: web design, troubleshooting, okay at programming... I guess I need to learn that "salesmanship" part.

Creatively, I'm dying. I don't really spend time doing creative things anymore. I need to kick that in the ass and jumpstart it. I used to make pixel art, draw, and dick around with music composition apps. I used to write up descriptions of worlds, make mockups, and so on. I think if I can sort out my professional life and other stressors, I'll return to doing fun, creative stuff. Yes, that means the phone-friendly CSS of this website will actually get finished!

Educationally, I've considered going to school for a BS in Computer Science, if only to learn more theory. History is a subject I abhor, but for some reason I enjoy reading about the history of computer science and hope to someday learn more about the low-level stuff. Low level programming is interesting to me, as it seems closer to engineering than high level programming. It's a lot more satisfying for me to build a set of C functions to do something as opposed to throwing together libraries or using one-liners from higher level languages. I can do that work, but low level stuff is more interesting.

Everywhere else in my life is okay. I could stand to lose some weight, and I wish I had more time to play video games. That's about it.

Festivities

My birthday itself was a normal work day. The weekend prior, however, my girlfriend and her family took us out to eat and I received gifts from them. It was really nice of them because, given that I've only really been in their lives for about a year, they got me things. It meant a lot to me and, admittedly, made me wonder if I deserved it. I received a nice messenger bag that I'd had my eye on for a while and Yoshi's Woolly World, which you can expect a review on in approximately four years, if the Reviews section is any indicator. :P

I also attended the Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses concert in Portland this past weekend. It was a blast, and the first concert I'd ever attended. I'm not sure I'll ever pay that much for an event again, but it was a positive experience and I don't regret anything.

Overall, turning thirty's not been too bad. My hair's turning silver a bit faster than I'd prefer, but as far as I'm concerned I've earned it. Here's hoping the next post I write is something besides the Life or Philosophy sections! I have a few ideas brewing, so stay tuned.